we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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