He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
