dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
