dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This toilet bowl is my home.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
