I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
