I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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