I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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