Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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