he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
