I want to walk on stilts...naked
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
