is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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