i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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