The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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