yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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