We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
either way he was missing a nipple.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
