I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize