Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
