I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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