Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
