Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
