I will die if light touches me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
