im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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