Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
