I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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