I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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