I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
