I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
