You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize