1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
