Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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