dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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