Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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