While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
