It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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