Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
