thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
