you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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