Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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