Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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