the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
