Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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