my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
