I wish my penis had an off switch
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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