WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
