Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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