Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
