so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
