Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
