Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
