it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
