and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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