5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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