I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize