Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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