I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
