he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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