i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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