I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
