I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
