in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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