We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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