ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
