Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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