and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
