M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize