Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How does one acquire holy water?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize