I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
