i permit you to call me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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