i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
