She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize