Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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