butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
