It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
