You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
