If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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