I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
