Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
