The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize