he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
