clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
