dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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