I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
