My liver just broke up with me...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
