You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
