I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
