hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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