He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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