I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
