Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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