Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
