p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
