this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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