I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
