we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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