Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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