He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
