you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
