I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
