when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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