I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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