I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
