Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
